A girl is picking at the lock of her cell door. She
eventually opens the lock; and tip-toes out of her cell. She begins to sprint
down the seemingly unending hallway. As she is running, a boy from another cell
sees her go past. He calls out to her, and beckons for her to help him escape,
too. The girl hesitates, but she helps the boy unlock his cell anyway. As they
creep away, the boy accidentally trips and alerts the lingering guards. They
immediately begin to chase the boy and the girl.
The girl leads the boy as they race down the dimly lit
hallway. They reach a door but it is locked. The girl pulls a hair pin out of
her hair and begins to pick the lock. When she is doing this, they both hear
heavy footsteps coming towards them. The guards appear behind them and begin
firing at them. The girl pushes the boy out of fire range, and begins fending
the guards off. As she fights, the boy frantically rushes to the door and tries
to unlock the door. The girl punches a guard in the face and snatches his gun.
She throws the weapon to the boy, who uses it to bust the door lock. The boy
runs through and hurries the girl. She deals one last blow to the guards and
disappears with the boy behind the door.
As they run, they go pass many cell doors. All of them
contain dead inmates. They run up a flight of stairs and finally reach the exit
of the underground asylum. The girl is trembling slightly as she reaches for
the handle of the door to their freedom.
Suddenly, she hears a loud gun shot from behind. She looks
down and her chest is bleeding out. As she turns she sees the gun in the boy’s
hand giving off smoke. She falls to the cold ground as her vision blurs, but
still manage to see the boy turn and walk away.
In her last moment, the girl musters all her strength to
quietly stand up. She pulls a scalpel out of her hair and charges at the boy,
who has his back turned. She promptly slits the boy’s throat from behind. And
as the boy lay on the ground bleeding, she picks up the gun from his hand, and
slowly walks out of the exit.
Note: This is the first draft and it is far from completed. As you can see I haven't even finalized the protagonist's name yet. She is later named Farahilde (Germanic: travel, battle). And I'm sorry that these thought posts are out of order.
The various problems were raised after a supervisor read the treatment and seen the animatic. Some were mentioned in earlier posts. Why didn't the boy (the antagonist who is later named Zion) simply help the guards when they attacked? How did the guards assume that Farahilde would escape in the first place? Was it even a big necessity to plant a "secret" agent in the cells with Farahilde in the first place? The story had many points that did not make sense or have a logical explanation. It may be because I was trying to force the betrayal theme too much in the story. Also, I was trying too hard try and make Zion an accomplice of the people who were holding Farahilde captive. I have since decided that Zion's position in the story had to change. A new plot is in development.
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